Aenaon was eager to groove to Iggy Pop when he came on the radio (at least that's who I think was playing). Too bad I don't have a video camera.

Just a quick note here. I just put Aenaon to bed, and before he'd consent to lying down, he begged for his stick to be put in the crib with him. (The stick is from a branch of the tree outside his back window, which we lovingly take in and out throughout the day (much to his Papi's angst (since Aenaon is able to open the window himself, although it opens onto a flat roof). Anyway he has been wont to request his stick before bedtime of late, so I obliged him. But what else is funny is that shortly after I put him to bed, he was calling out, "Mama, stick [which sounds like 'dick']. Mama, sticky [dicky]" which is another one of the new developments of late: when he really wants something badly he adds an 'y' sound to the end of it (I guess it just seems to inherently sound cute (?), or has he picked up that we use that sound as a diminutive to make something sound sweet, cute and affectionate (?). He uses this tactic with all parts of speech- not just nouns. It could be, for example, "Mama, up" Mama, uppie" (when he wants to get picked up), etc.

That's all for tonight. (And, just for the record, although it might seem bizarre and/or meaningless to record all these "random" details (although nothing is, indeed, random) I just feel I'd like to mark the passage of our days, and months and years with little notes about how it was. I always wonder myself about how I was as a child, or more particularly an infant (since I remember much of my childhood from as early as two years old- I can still feel how I felt, and remember my thoughts)- but I have no one to ask questions of. I can't know what I was really like as an infant, or what in my character, temperament, or natural inclinations stood out. Once one has kids, especially, one would like to know some of these things. So, in one way, that's why I feel that this is a worthwhile endeavor, even though it might seem kind of bland or trite in some ways. But I will let the children have the option of thinking that for themselves. At least they'll have a record to look back upon- if that means anything to them. And if it doesn't? At least I took a little time to reflect and communicate the simple complexity of daily life, growth, and the most intimate relationships possible...)

Post Mango Family Shots:

In all honesty Aenaon is no longer "the healthiest eater ever" (as so many people have called him). And there is no one to blame for this besides myself. Of course, that's one of the trickiest aspects of parenthood. You're children aren't going to be better than you (in terms of their habits) if you're teaching them through your own actions (which is inevitable). I would love to have children that ate only fresh fruits and vegetables and grains, ideally, everything organic, and most often raw. But our reality (or mine, I should say) is far from this still. And since I buy numerous processed products and things for me to snack on (such as soy chips, veggie booty, crackers, pretzels, or something similar) Aenaon now wants to eat these. And often he'd prefer such to his regular meal. I mentioned earlier that I gave him "ice cream" (generic term for something similar) myself-- and I hear requests for ice cream, or popsicles, numerous times a day. What's more, when he finishes any such cold treat (an adult's serving at times) he immediately requests more. I broke my own rule- and I'd almost say it's not worth it- except for the fact that there's something really sweet in just how badly he wants it, or rather, how thrilled he is when one satifies his desire/request. It's some type of fulfilling, but I guess not the kind that is out of purity, goodness and complete positivity.

Papi takes the cake right now, however. He just came home with dried mango, and fresh mango (which might tie ice cream for the number one request still)- so everyone's mouths, bellies and desires are satisfied now! (It's a little harder now that we only have one car to go out and get basic things at the time they're desired. We've been managing all right with public transportation, but spontaneous and quick missions are sort of out of the question with our new transportation arrangement.)

More later.

Aenaon now likes to sleep with the light on, and in fact, he won't go to sleep without it. I've managed to wean him off the ceiling lamp in place of a little desk lamp- but it's interesting to me that he already feels this need, even though he can't explain his phobia, or request in any certain terms.

Here are some pics we just took to amuse ourselves.

An example of Aenaon's stage developmentally:

He wants to go downstairs to the basement to do laundry (he initiates activity and idea). He knows Adara can't go, but she is fussing at the top of the stairs, so he goes to get her a toy to play with/distract her with. It works like a charm. But in the process, he gets caught up in the distraction, too, and starts dancing around to the music he played to distract Adara. It's only when I begin to close the door that he realizes he's lost sight of his original mission, and leaps toward the basement with the entirity of his desirous self. And his self is nothing if not desirous. There are so many wishes and desires that drive his being. It is truly amazing. And patience? What's that? One has to wait for things? Impossible!!

If I had a phone today I'd call people (starting with Eurydice) to say what just happened. But since I don't I'll post it here. I was mopping (or Swiffering (tm)) the floor in the kitchen while Aenaon was eating breakfast and Adara was meditating underneath the highchair, and the radio was playing softly in the background. Aenaon started saying, "beetle...beetle" "Mama, beetle" and I said, "do you see a beetle" and I kept on with what I was doing, until I realized "Michelle" by the Beatles was playing on the radio. Yup. That's my boy. It's official, he can now identify the Beatles. (He already requests them here at home, Rubber Soul is his favorite album so far!). Just thought I'd share.

More to come.

Both Aenaon and Adara try to pull pictures off pages when they like what they see. Aenaon has started to say, "open" when he wants me to produce something off the page for him. (He used to whine all the time when he was little when we read the Story of Cesar Chavez book, because there were picture of plump grapes, and he would try to grab them, and he'd get upset when he couldn't.) It sort of reminds me of how when I was little I thought that I could rub the phone over a page, and someone would be able to see it. (I used to do this when I was on the phone with my Dad. I would be looking at photo albums, and "showing" him them over the phone. (I clearly remember this at age three, and perhaps, younger.) I also remember thinking that newcasters and other TV figures could see me through the screen. I used to hide, or feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, assuming they were watching me. I also used to think anything (sound or otherwise) unknown was a "monster". I even remember hiding behind the couch when the unknown noise of a truck backing up (and beeping) could be heard. Or, at three, I remember answering the phone, and there was an automated message from Sears (describing an underwear sale or something), and although I understood the words, the fact that it was not a human being caused me to run into the kitchen calling, "Gran! There's a monster on the phone!" (These memories are very distinct to me.)

Aenaon has also begun pulling Adara, saying "C'mon" when he wants her to do something with him. For example, "C'mon, Ara- book!" , when he wants her to help him tear all the books off my shelves and throw them around. (Maybe he feels less culpable if he has an accomplice (voluntary or no)...(Eurydice??)) He's even been known to drag her when she isn't moving his direction on her own (which reminds me of my own childhood) so I gently try to intervene/mediate as best I can.

I must say, though, that when they are playing together I am much more likely to go along with whatever activity they've chosen (as long as no on gets injured). I love to watch them have fun together, and forge a comradeship. Entirely precious. (And most likely to last a lifetime!)

This is Moo-Cow. Mom received him as a gift from her late godfather in 1978 (when she was two)- just like I am now! So moo-cow is VERY, VERY old (like my mom (!), but don't tell her I said that...). Moo-cow plays the song The Farmer in the Dell, and moves his head from side to side. Mom took such good care of him those 28 years, that she's a little uneasy when I play with him. She was one of those kids that kept the things she loved in top condition, and she could never understand it when other kids didn't. (She thinks I've done more damage (in a span of months) to some of her old belongings than she did in her whole lifetime. So she's a little on the paranoid side with me, but I know we all have our "things"...)

Well, Mom promised she would show you Moo-cow, so here he is. I'm still privileged enough to have moo-cow sit on my shelf, but you never know when that privilege will expire with mom (especially since I'm tempted to pummel him (as I am wont to do with most things...).

Here's a picture of our musical camel from Egypt. My generous Egyptian friend gave it to us yesterday. The kids love it, and I think it will be the "moo-cow" of the next generation. Stay tuned for a picture and brief description of moo-cow. (tomorrow)

Here's our rocking camel who sings in Arabic:
It says, "Welcome to Egypt" on its side.

Here's our superhero today:

Photo is not uploading. Tried twice already. [uploaded upon editing] Here's how our day's going so far. Spills, falls, and more spills. One child pees on floor, the other dumps out food, mom tries to grab food container, while other child slides around in pee. Oil spills. Both children slide around. Floor and bodies are covered in its water-resistant goodness. Papi took our set of keys to work with him by accident (ADD). Mom left the car windows open (ADD?) and it's pouring rain, but can't roll up windows without keys. Garbage bags do all right. While positioning garbage bags, Aenaon has figured out how to open the upstair's windows. Mom fears the worst when she hears him, thinking he's outside, but realizing he's upstairs at a very open window...

I really want to insert an excerpt from a book that I read at least a thousand times as a child. It is just the ubiquitous fairy tale of Snow White. But the way it's written, and the message it conveys is entirely medieval (which perhaps it is). What's funny about this version is that despite the rampant references to killing, vanity, jealousy, and gender stereotypes, the "kiss" is edited out at the end. (So, it's proper to kill and hate and seek revenge, but improper to kiss...) Check it out for yourselves, and you'll see the insanity I'm talking about. The following is from last page of the story:

"When the Prince lifted the glass case, the piece of poisoned apple fell from Snow White's mouth and she opened her eyes. The Prince and the dwarfs were overjoyed to see her alive and well. Snow White bade the kind dwarfs farewell and went to the Prince's palace. Soon after they were married.
The wicked Queen was invited to the wedding. When she arrived, she was told to wear red-hot iron shoes and had to dance until she fell down dead.
Snow White and the Prince lived happily ever after."

That is word for word what's written. I didn't edit out anything. I didn't remember these "fairy tales" being so twisted, but, needless to say, I am less than enthusiastic about reading this version to Aenaon (although he loves it because of the 3-D enhanced pictures).

So what else? Aenaon is talking more and more. He's still obsessed with mango from Trader Joe's (and now "cold treat", too (Passionfruit Sorbet (only 10 grams of sugar)- I broke down and offered it to him myself. Just a little at a time...) He's been insistent on sleeping with Adara's pink, strawberry-scented doll (which almost made me laugh, but that is only because of foolish conditioning-- and besides it's good to balance the masculine and feminine sides of oneself- and the earlier one starts, the better. (I'm still working on it myself.)).

In truth, Aenaon has been very whiny for the past 48 hours. He has a cold, but I'm not sure if he's sicker than I think, or if he's sleep-deprived, or distraught for some other reason. Those with toddlers will know that they are very keen on certain details being very consistent, and if you break those patterns, all hell can break loose. Sometimes they are upset about little details that you can't even discern (for there's no previous pattern set), but they'll be unconsolable until you do what they wish in the "right" way. We've had our fair share of such resistance and melt-downs the past two days.

I brough him to a friend's house yesterday where there was TV, killing video games, junk food, mac-n-cheese, etc. And as much as I felt entirely resistent and sheltered myself, I realized that if I had Aenaon submersed in that world, his nervous system would be even more overloaded, and he would most likely be out of control.

The day care attendent at the gym puts Adara in front of Barney so she will zone out. (I haven't yet felt comfortable confronting this, but this is NOT what I want her to be doing at any time of the day!)

As a parent one of the hardest lines to walk for me is that between being the iron fist of societal standards, and being an aware, discerning individual, who wants to raise a being who is the same. I want them to question and decide what is valuable for themselves. And many of the customary things we do, say, demonstrate, etc. are quite arbitrary, and often thoughtless and useless (in my opinion; of course, they always have some use and purpose, lest we wouldn't uphold them, but for many I am not in agreement with their use and/or purpose). Plus, you want your kid to do what is right for him, for the right reasons, or to stand up to that which he finds meaningless/valueless, but at the same time, you don't want him to get laughed home from school, or beat up at the playground.

I realize how much our home environment is like a safe haven, though, and how I really orchestrate their environment- what they see, whom they meet, what they're exposed to- for the most part. They don't yet know the extremes of many elements in our world (although they have tastes of everything just in living with two adults human beings, and living in a city of humans-- you can't cover their eyes and ears from the passersby in the street (swearing profusely) or the kids in groups beating on each other and using profanity, again. Or the junk food that is offered to them everywhere (which, at this point, I am able to refuse, but not forever (and not when I'm no longer there). I guess, as "they" say, you must teach your kids as best you can, and hope that they make good choices when it's their turn to choose for themselves. Of course, the behavior, etc. you model is paramount. For you could pass along all the wisdom in the world, verbally, but if you don't practice it yourself, neither will they.

Anyway, one highlight from our walk yesterday evening is that just as we happened to be crossing over the train tracks, we spotted a train pulling into the station about a hundred yards away. So we positioned ourselves over the rail it was to travel, and we waited eagerly as it approached. Aeanon and I were waving to the train (and Adara was in my arms), and the conductor beeped (or blared his horn is more like it) at us before he passed under the bridge. I held onto Aenaon, thinking he might get scared, and then there was a BLAST of black, diesel exhaust that rushed around us (nearly suffocating), and a great rumbling and roaring as it accelerated beneath our feet. It was very intense, and both kids loved it. I was probably more jittery from the experience than they were (I bet I would have gotten scared if I were two years old). Adara was clapping and laughing afterwards.

Okay. While I was writing this last part Adara was playing quietly in the hallway. Or so I thought. She began to fuss so I went over to her, and found that she had pooped and had crawled through it, and smeared it everywhere, and squished it in her fists, and (I'm sure) put it in her mouth (which is probably why she let me know she was unhappy). So, I think that the real issue is that I'm more or less loser mom today. Truth is I'm exhausted myself. And now that she is clean and asleep, and Aenaon is asleep, I am going to follow suit, God willing. (And, just for the record, my children are usually diapered, but my timing and thinking is off today- so there have been a few "accidents".)