Play Time at the Mall
Today we three (Aenaon, Adara and Mama) went to the mall for the first time in months (it reminded me of the winter- and it was probably a better day to play in the park rather than the playspace inside), but we ended up having a grand old time.
Just want to say a few words about children's politics and personalities. Though Aenaon was dog-tired by the time we actually arrived at the play space, he immediately perked up at the prospect of playing with potential friends (and when you're a child, everyone is a potential friend- or an instant friend if s/he approaches you). So he briefly investigated one boy, who was slightly older, and was busy playing with his mother (and didn't much heed the younger Aenaon). But he soon was approached by an older, and bigger girl (whose body was a miniature of her dad's). Her dad told us she was twelve (then sort of laughed), but when the girl later announced she was four, he yelled across the room, "fibber!". Anyhow, the young girl was quite proud of being "a big girl now", and she was also quite enamored of Adara, who seemed to embody a curious androgenous identity to her (which didn't seem to bother her any). So Adara (who would switch from a "he" to a "she" with alarming frequency with our young friend) had a willing companion for a while. At one point while they were playing over on a little platform, Adara got so excited she managed to hurl herself onto her face, after which she promptly began to cry. But the little girl's dad thought that his daughter (Alexis) had hurt her, and he started calling out, "You big monster!" and "you big meanie!" I tried to assure them that his daughter had been nothing but a helpful companion, and that Adara had injured herself (but it didn't seem to assuage him any).
It can get a little hairy at times when dealing with such situations. One wants to use as much delicacy, grace and kindness as possible. One doesn't want to judge, or to communicate condemnation or rejection with either body language or words. With children and parents one works hard to protect everyone's best interests and self-esteem (but I've definitely had to pull my kids out of an unfavorable circumstance at times). I do think a good rule of thumb (which maybe I'm borrowing from Dr. Karp The Happiest Toddler on the Block) is don't call your children any names you wouldn't want someone else to call them. Somehow it really does make a difference how you frame your response and interpretation of your children. (Of course emotional communication is probably as important as verbal communication. You could use the cleanest, nicest, most affirming labels when addressing your child, but if you're stating them with clenched teeth, rolled eyes, and hunched shoulders- they're probably picking up another message.) Nonetheless, everyone survived the debacle and we were soon joined by a new playmate. And this young girl is probably my inspiration for writing this anecdote.
A girl (of maybe five or six years) came into the play space, still wearing her Catholic school uniform. And she promptly greeted each individual in the room with a "hi" just for them, and then ran over to our other little "big girl" friend, and tagged her, calling, "you're it." And she began to run. Aenaon was completely taken. Off he went, running and laughing, with these two little girls. Around and around. Curls flopping, smiling the whole way. And on it went. Then the school girl would stop the game and orchestrate a new version, "Who wants to be the shark?" "Who wants to be the chaser?" Aenaon was glad to "be" anything he was appointed (I have no idea what any of the concepts meant to him). He would run just the same. If he was "out" he kept running. If he was "it", he kept running. At one point the school girl touched base (which she called of course) and she would explain, "base means...base means" [you're safe] And Aenaon was climbing after her on the jungle gym, "bay me...bay me" (Again, I have no idea what any of the phrases meant to him.) He couldn't get enough.
The school girl would direct one game, and then a few minutes later call it off, and establish a new one. The other two (Aenaon and Alexis) were more than happy to follow along. And it's so funny to watch these different personalities interact at this early stage in life: the organizer, leader, director- friendly and firm, kind and fair and inspires followers. The little "big" girl, happy to play along and to be "it", or "out", even to "tag [herself] out" (as she was instructed at one point- which I found philosophically fascinating. If everyone else had been tagged out by her, well, then she had to tag herself out as well. Wonderful logic!)- which she oblidgingly did (with distinctive finesse, I must add). Aeanon was just Mr. Happy-go-lucky the whole time. He didn't have a trace of malice for anyone or anything at any point. He was just happy to have fun, and to be part of the play.
Just want to say a few words about children's politics and personalities. Though Aenaon was dog-tired by the time we actually arrived at the play space, he immediately perked up at the prospect of playing with potential friends (and when you're a child, everyone is a potential friend- or an instant friend if s/he approaches you). So he briefly investigated one boy, who was slightly older, and was busy playing with his mother (and didn't much heed the younger Aenaon). But he soon was approached by an older, and bigger girl (whose body was a miniature of her dad's). Her dad told us she was twelve (then sort of laughed), but when the girl later announced she was four, he yelled across the room, "fibber!". Anyhow, the young girl was quite proud of being "a big girl now", and she was also quite enamored of Adara, who seemed to embody a curious androgenous identity to her (which didn't seem to bother her any). So Adara (who would switch from a "he" to a "she" with alarming frequency with our young friend) had a willing companion for a while. At one point while they were playing over on a little platform, Adara got so excited she managed to hurl herself onto her face, after which she promptly began to cry. But the little girl's dad thought that his daughter (Alexis) had hurt her, and he started calling out, "You big monster!" and "you big meanie!" I tried to assure them that his daughter had been nothing but a helpful companion, and that Adara had injured herself (but it didn't seem to assuage him any).
It can get a little hairy at times when dealing with such situations. One wants to use as much delicacy, grace and kindness as possible. One doesn't want to judge, or to communicate condemnation or rejection with either body language or words. With children and parents one works hard to protect everyone's best interests and self-esteem (but I've definitely had to pull my kids out of an unfavorable circumstance at times). I do think a good rule of thumb (which maybe I'm borrowing from Dr. Karp The Happiest Toddler on the Block) is don't call your children any names you wouldn't want someone else to call them. Somehow it really does make a difference how you frame your response and interpretation of your children. (Of course emotional communication is probably as important as verbal communication. You could use the cleanest, nicest, most affirming labels when addressing your child, but if you're stating them with clenched teeth, rolled eyes, and hunched shoulders- they're probably picking up another message.) Nonetheless, everyone survived the debacle and we were soon joined by a new playmate. And this young girl is probably my inspiration for writing this anecdote.
A girl (of maybe five or six years) came into the play space, still wearing her Catholic school uniform. And she promptly greeted each individual in the room with a "hi" just for them, and then ran over to our other little "big girl" friend, and tagged her, calling, "you're it." And she began to run. Aenaon was completely taken. Off he went, running and laughing, with these two little girls. Around and around. Curls flopping, smiling the whole way. And on it went. Then the school girl would stop the game and orchestrate a new version, "Who wants to be the shark?" "Who wants to be the chaser?" Aenaon was glad to "be" anything he was appointed (I have no idea what any of the concepts meant to him). He would run just the same. If he was "out" he kept running. If he was "it", he kept running. At one point the school girl touched base (which she called of course) and she would explain, "base means...base means" [you're safe] And Aenaon was climbing after her on the jungle gym, "bay me...bay me" (Again, I have no idea what any of the phrases meant to him.) He couldn't get enough.
The school girl would direct one game, and then a few minutes later call it off, and establish a new one. The other two (Aenaon and Alexis) were more than happy to follow along. And it's so funny to watch these different personalities interact at this early stage in life: the organizer, leader, director- friendly and firm, kind and fair and inspires followers. The little "big" girl, happy to play along and to be "it", or "out", even to "tag [herself] out" (as she was instructed at one point- which I found philosophically fascinating. If everyone else had been tagged out by her, well, then she had to tag herself out as well. Wonderful logic!)- which she oblidgingly did (with distinctive finesse, I must add). Aeanon was just Mr. Happy-go-lucky the whole time. He didn't have a trace of malice for anyone or anything at any point. He was just happy to have fun, and to be part of the play.
posted by Anthe at 1:20 PM
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